Yeah that's right. I copy/pasted the link to the story instead of copy/pasting the actual story for you to read first. I've decided that I'm gonna do that from time to time. Just one of the perks of co-running my own blog - I can do whatever I want.
So Jameis Winston got suspended from the FSU Baseball team because he stole $32.00 worth of crab legs and craw fish from a super market. Whatever, I don't really give a shit about that because it's just par for the course for the scum that is Jameis Winston - sexual assault, shooting up apartment complexes with bb guns, stealing from supermarkets, and just speaking in general - the guy might be the most idiotic, ignorant, and immature person on the planet. At the end of this article though, I came across a JW story that I had never heard before and it solidified his spot as the planets biggest dickhead.
"In another incident, police records show Winston came into a Burger King with three men but did not order food, instead asking for a water cup he repeatedly filled with soda over an employee's objections. The report says Winston was never interviewed about the incident because the restaurant declined to prosecute."
Asking for a water cup and then filling it up with soda is what rascals do. Straight up, pesky rascals. I might even go as far to say pesky varmints - and I mean that. I absolutely despise people who pull this move. If you are a grown ass person and are too cheap to spend 1 fucking dollar on a drink cup at a fast food restaurant, I literally hate you. And what's worse is that thoughts like this actually pop into your head. Like how much of a loser are you to try to pull one over on some Burger King employee by asking for a water cup and then filling it up with soda? You need free soda that bad? One of the most pathetic moves any person can make.
PS - the only people who get a pass on this are teenage sk8boarders. Anyone who knows anything knows that all these little punks do is skate around the suburbs all day long and get into stupid shit. They get a pass because it's what makes them who they are. Sk8 4 lyfe.
ESPN - Adam Silver took the hard line on Donald Sterling, which means everyone else gets off easy.
He banished Sterling to the point of NBA irrelevance and simultaneously put every other owner on notice. Not only is it up to them to vote Sterling out, but they're also now aware that anything they say, even in private, can and will be held against them.
In the process, Silver let everyone off the hook for this episode. Deep inside, that's what everyone wanted, as much as or even more than punishment for Sterling. The other owners won't have to explain why they kept him in their midst -- or, in some cases, why Sterling had a better record of hiring African-American head coaches and executives than they did. The Clippers players don't have to explain why they're still playing for him ... or why they ever signed on to do so in the first place. Fans won't have to rationalize subsidizing Sterling by paying for tickets.
The fairest of all questions -- even for the small corners of society that want to defend Sterling -- is why now? Why this moment, when many people were offended but no one was actually wronged? Why not when Sterling was facing sexual harassment lawsuits or housing-discrimination lawsuits or wrongful-termination lawsuits?
Silver has maintained: "I can't speak to past actions." He also said that because Sterling either won or settled lawsuits without admitting liability, the NBA didn't have grounds to act. That falls short on two grounds: Silver has worked in the NBA office since 1992 with ample opportunity for input; testimony and depositions should carry as much weight as recorded conversations, even without legal verdicts.
But as of Tuesday, Silver no longer has to account for the inaction by predecessor David Stern and the club of NBA owners in the past. He took bold strides down his own path, showed an unwillingness to allow the sore of Sterling to fester. It's a new era. It makes you wonder how much credibility Silver just bought and how this will play out in the next round of collective bargaining. For example, will players be more apt to acquiesce to Silver's desire to raise the minimum age for entry into the league?
The players wanted to see whether the NBA had their collective backs. Silver can look them in the eye and say he did everything he could to show that a league that's populated by an African-American majority won't tolerate an owner who disparages people based on the color of their skin.
Not only is Silver willing to take a stand, he's also willing to take up a fight. For years there was a desire within the league to oust Sterling for financial and competitive reasons. His team played in the outdated Los Angeles Sports Arena before small crowds while a newer arena and untapped fan base were available just down the highway in Anaheim. Then the Clippers squeezed into the giant ATM that is Staples Center and eventually turned into a highly profitable, destination franchise that has even fared better than the league's glamour team, the Lakers, the past two seasons.
There still were the embarrassing episodes, some of which came from Sterling's own testimony. During one deposition, filled with salacious details of Sterling recounting his encounters with a woman whom he paid to have sex, Sterling said something that seems to encompass his philosophy: "And when you are paying for it, you feel you have a right to say everything."
That would account for Sterling's degradation of women -- so evident in the way he speaks to the woman on the recording that led to his downfall -- and his attitude about players and other subordinates, at the very least as detailed in the wrongful-termination lawsuit brought by former general manager Elgin Baylor. At no previous point did the fans call for player boycotts, nor did other owners fill media email inboxes with statements of outrage over Sterling's comments, nor did coaches question whether they wanted to continue to work for him.
Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is absolutely right to express his concern about a slippery slope now that words can be grounds for revocation of a franchise. What happens when it's not so easy for everyone to jump up and point and yell, "Look at the racist!"? What happens if the discrimination is more subtle and nuanced?
What happens when we're forced to examine our own motives and willingness to sacrifice, when the solution isn't to get rid of someone else but to change our own behavior?
If Silver had not taken such a dramatic step, would you have protested by changing the TV channel in the midst of these incredible playoffs? Would you stop buying NBA jerseys? Would other owners commit to providing truly equal opportunity workplaces for their teams and other businesses?
Silver did the dirty work. It's up to everyone else to clean up after him.
Listen, if I'm Donald Sterling, I'm just beating my head against a wall knowing that V. Stiviano is the chick who brought me to my knees. All those allegations from his past regarding misogyny and racism and he was able to remain a player in the game, and this chick happens to be the straw that broke the camel's back. There's zippy chance that V. Stiviano was worth it looking in the rearview.
For one thing, you don't get to do the whole one initial deal with your name unless you're legitimately important to society: F. Scott Fitzgerlad, J. Edgar Hoover, R. Kelly... Not sure that last one fits, but fuck it, I ran out of gas on that example quicker than I expected. Seriously, with a name like V. Stiviano, you at least have to have your own line of shampoo or perfume or something, you can't just be a So. Cal club rat and gold digger with a name like V. Stiviano.
Another topic no one has put on the table yet is that there's like a 90% chance this chick has a penis. Maybe it's gone undiscussed because Don's into some real fetish shit that he's trying to keep on the DL, but if your tranny alarm isn't going bananas after looking at this chick, it might be time to change the batteries. Adam's apple city. Ol' Don was obviously desperate for some pussy in his old age, the warning signs that this broad is certifiable are written all over the walls. Just the amount of times she (or he) said "honey" during that tape is enough to make you realize she's super fake. Between the tranny-ness and the fact that her whole aura is just oozing gold digger, Don just flat-fuck dropped the ball on this one.
Look, I'm not trying to advocate the views of Donald Sterling in any way shape or form and I'm not trying to defend what he said, but like Mark Cuban brought up, this is a slippery slope. This man owns and operates an almost billion dollar business and he's getting literally crucified because of some off hand comments that, what he thought, were private. Are his personal views really legal grounds to take away a business that he was part of building? I'm not exactly sure where all these talking heads get off thinking it's their job to be the morality police here either, like they've never made some off-color comments when they thought nobody was listening. You really think Stephen A. Smith or Charles Barkley has never made an off the record comment of poor taste that might've been equally, if not more offensive than what Donald Sterling said? You really think Donald Sterling is the only million-billion-trillion-aire that's an asshole? You don't become someone that powerful by being the fucking Dalai Lama. Those dudes are sharks; cut-throat, capitalistic-minded lions that only care about one thing, the bottom line.
In this situation, what's done is done, water under the bridge. The court of public opinion has spoken and Adam Silver and his creepy ass bald head have laid down the NBA's hammer of justice on Donald Sterling. The bottom line here is that there might not be legal precedent to take his business away from him but if 75% of the owners vote to force him to sell, he's got no choice, and if you don't think that's going to happen, you're living under a rock. He would be really, really stupid to not sell sooner rather than later. He bought the franchise for like $13 million and has the potential to sell that thing for upwards of $800-900 million. He already made the dumbest decision of his life when he let V. Stiviano wiggle her money-grubbing hands down his pants. At 80 years old, this is an absolute no brainer, Don. Take the money and run.
PS - Whatever happened to the sticks and stones saying? This has been the subject of national news for a week and this guy didn't even use a racial slur. If someone has evidence of Donald Sterling legitimately trying to prevent a black person from attending a Clipper's game, please enlighten me. Otherwise, please tell me why, as a nation, we're getting our panties in a wad over this? Why is this such a big deal? The only thing this tape is really doing is making Donald Sterling look like a clown because in 2014 old white dudes with this type of prejudice just aren't taken seriously.
If off the record comments about personal views are now precedent to essentially fire someone, just wait until internet histories start becoming easily accessible, whole new ball game.
1-1 last night brings your boy to 10-6 on the year. I was wrong on the Pacers yet again so I'm seriously not gonna bet on them until Game 6 and that's a promise. Also, my new motto is "bet on basketball as much as possible because during the summer there will only be baseball to bet on " so here are my two picks for tonight:
Wizards +4: You will never hear me say/see me tweet "Bullets Fever" and #dcrising like every other jabroni in the Nation's Capital because I'm not a loser. However, I am gonna be rooting my ass off for the Wiz-kids tonight. Beating the Bulls three straight times on their home court is a tall task but I think with how well they've been playing and Nene's return, DC rises to the semi's (see what I did there).
Warriors +7: The popular pick is obviously the Clippers because it's their first home game since the Sterling story broke. But I got news for you, Steph Curry and his crew don't give a fuck. The Warriors pounded the Clippers two days ago and Sterling's comments are a clear distraction in Lob city.
ESPN - Washington Nationals left fielder Bryce Harper will undergo surgery Tuesday to repair a torn ulnar collateral ligament in his left thumb and is expected to be out until at least early July, according to multiple sources. Harper, 21, injured his hand during a head-first slide into third on a bases-clearing triple in Friday's victory overSan Diego. He stayed in the game for an inning before being replaced. The extended loss of Harper is a significant blow to a Nationals roster already riddled with injuries to key players, among them catcher Wilson Ramos, third baseman Ryan Zimmerman (both with hand injuries) and starting pitcher Doug Fister (back). Harper missed 44 games last season, his second in the majors, with a leftknee injury. He was injured in mid-May when he slammed into the right-field wall at Dodger Stadium. He is not the first star player to suffer a similar injury recently. Los Angeles Angels slugger Josh Hamilton is out with the injury as well, and Boston Red Soxsecond baseman Dustin Pedroia played through it all of last season before having surgeryin November. All three players suffered the injury sliding into a base.
So far the reaction to this has been pretty mild - everyone seems to think it's a shitty break but Bryce will only be out for 2 months and then back in time for a summer playoff push. But I'm thinking this could turn out to be a lot worse for the Nats depending on how the team plays in his absence.
Bryce hasn't been himself this year - he's been benched, banged up, and has played average ball up til this point. I think the most obvious thing though is that he doesn't appear to be happy. I'm not gonna sit here and speculate as to why (even though I think he hates Matt Williams) but anyone with half a brain can see his attitude has been pissy this season.
With that being said, if the Nats keep playing the way they have been, the playoffs look less and less likely. If you combine that with how disappointing last season was, Bryce might come back to a struggling team two seasons removed from the playoffs, a shitty manager, and one year left on his contract. Could you blame him, at that point, if he doesn't decide to re-up and instead pursues a mega contract after the '14-'15 season? I sure couldn't. So the Nats better pull their heads out of their ass so that their star player has something promising to come back to after surgery.
Annndddd we're back. I honestly thought that I'd end up making some picks this weekend but then the whole Chest Hair Nation crew crushed it at a 3 year olds birthday party and drank about 4 bottles of wine afterwards - so betting took a backseat this weekend.
I'd also like to apologize for getting these picks up so late but until Barstool fires Nate and hires us, I may have to stay in my cube for 14 straight hours some nights. If my tardiness pisses you off, take it up with El Pres because he's really at fault here.
Heat -8: I'm kinda sketched out by this line and feel like this could be a trap game. However, Al Jefferson has already been ruled out due to injury and I know the Heat just wanna get this shitty series over with so they can rest up for a more legitimate playoff opponent.
Pacers -6.5: If you've been reading these posts you know how I feel about the Pacers and the Hawks at this point. The Pacers are a good team, even though they haven't been playing like it. And the Hawks are a horrible team, even though they haven't been playing like it. This game will pretty much decide the series and the Pacers are at home, so here we go again.
I'm 100% convinced that Nate is Renee Portnoy's "special" younger brother and Pres just gave him DMV Barstool because he got grandfathered into the Barstool-Corleone family. Everyone already thinks DC is such a joke of a sports town that Pres probably figured no one would notice how much the DC blog sucks. In all honesty, having Nate represent my city on Barstool is par for the course. He's like the Redskins of the blogging world. Just a constant disappointment, post after post.
First of all, we play the winner of the Pacers/Hawks series, we wouldn't see the Heat until the conference finals. Jackass.
Second, the red and white stripes are cool on the jersey when they wrap all the way around. Box it off and you've got yourself an authentic Austrian Flag. Quality stuff, Nate.
Now absolutely, the Wizards have the dumbest mascot in the NBA, and yes, I am aware that the Pelicans are a real franchise. The dumbest part is that we didn't even capitalize on the opportunity to have some badass looking Dumbledore wizard as our mascot. Instead, we have this big blue creature named G-Wiz that looks like a fat version of Gonzo from the Muppets and his jackass sidekick, G-Man, who runs around in full-body blue tights and fake-foam pecs. What the fuck is a G-Man, you ask? Great question, wish I could tell you. I'm still bitter that they changed from the Bullets; and not because I thought being called "The Bullets" did anything for our cool factor but that was the essential birth of PC America in my book.
Back to my point, Nate trying to be cool with the Bullet hands reference in Wall's name just shows me he's a closet hipster. Bullets gear is about as hipster as it gets. Basically saying - I liked the Wizards before they were the Wizards. You weren't even born yet, asshole. You can pack up your ironic-ness and kick rocks, kid.
Just to highlight how awful Nate is, allow me to point out the cringe-worthy "wave your hands in the air" reference he dropped last week when commenting on how ridiculous Gilbert Arenas' salary is.
Barstool Nate -Gilbert is the third highest paid NBA player this season. 30th highest paid player in the entire world. Just think about that for a second. There’s like 100 billion people in the world. And Gilbert is one of the 30th highest paid athletes. The guy who took shits in Andray Blatche’s shoes. The guy who brought a gun into a lockerroom and waved in around in the air like he just didn’t care. The guy who built shark tanks in his house. The 30th highest paid athlete in the whole wide universe.
"... and waved in around in the air like he just didn't care." Nails on a chalk board, Nate... Also, on top of the total irrelevance, mentioning the world's population, you over shot that estimate by about 93 billion people.
The only pro to Nate's blogging existence is the hot chicks he posts, but that's low hanging fruit. If you can't find hot chicks on the internet to post, your worth is on par with Gilbert. Probably worse actually because I doubt you post awesome pictures like this on your Instagram.
Huffington Post -Selena Gomez's Instagram unfollowing spree left the Internet asking, "Who? What? Why? SelGo, no! Stay friends with everyone! For the sake of the Coachella gods, please!" But the 21-year-old star unfollowed festival partners Kendall and Kylie Jenner, BFF Taylor Swift, Ashley Benson and Vanessa Hudgens, among others. Now, E! Online learned a little backstory about why Gomez made the bold move. The site reported that, after Coachella, Gomez decided to purge negative influences from her life and focus only on the good things, like music and church. It was time for her to reevaluate her friendships and relationships. The desert will do that to a girl. Austin Mahone recently admited to J-14.com that he was upset Gomez unfollowed him. "Yes, I saw [she unfollowed Taylor, Kylie and Kendall]," he said. "I was mad! I was like, 'I wonder if Selena’s still following me,' so I looked and then I saw she was following zero people, so I was like, 'All right, I see how it is. I’m going to confront her about it next time I see her, like, 'Yo, why’d you unfollow me?'" It's true. Gomez currently follows no one and has only posted selfies and music lyrics since what shall further be known as "The Great Unfollow Of 2014" began.
Good for Selena. You really can't say enough about the maturity and strength she's demonstrating while reevaluating some important aspects of her life. I can't imagine wanting to focus more energy on music and church all while following people on Instagram. Talk about having too much on your plate, right? Listen, if she feels like the people she's hanging around are having a negative impact on her, the only real solution is to unfollow all of them on a social media site so that she can't see the pictures they post. Talking to her friends about how she's feeling and addressing her issues through conversation wouldn't solve anything here - I think everyone can see that.
I really feel bad for Austin Mahone though. I mean the guy has some great pictures that he'll never be able to share with Selena now. And you read it yourself, he's gonna confront her about it next time he sees her. Boy what I would do to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. I just hope that, in time, he can come to grips with all of this and understand that following people on Instagram can be too much for people sometimes and really get in the way of their true passions.
MESA, Ariz. -- Michael Phelps' comeback meet was cut short Friday when he failed to advance to the 50-meter freestyle final. The 18-time Olympic gold medalist used the morning preliminaries at the Arena Grand Prixto fine-tune his butterfly stroke instead of doing freestyle like everyone else. He finished seventh in a time of 24.06 seconds, missing out on the eight-man evening final. Phelps didn't even make any of the three consolation finals because he was 42nd overall; only the top 32 qualify for those, so his first competition since retiring after the 2012 London Olympics ended early. "I don't think there will be enough scratches," coach Bob Bowman joked about the possibility of Phelps getting into any of the finals.Phelps ended up in the sprint because none of the day's other events -- 400 individual medley, 200 freestyle and 200 backstroke -- are ones that he plans to compete in during this comeback. He dominated the 400 IM during the height of career, but he vows he won't swim the grueling event anymore. "I'm putting that out there: I am never swimming the 400 IM again," he said. Bowman jabbed him, saying, "Kind of like, `I will never swim again." At that, the longtime friends laughed. Phelps had insisted he was done with swimming after London and frequently pointed out he had no intention of swimming past the age of 30. He turns 29 next month, and would be 31 by the time of the 2016 Rio Olympics. Phelps tread lightly when pressed about his intentions toward a possible fifth Olympics. He was 15 at his first games in Sydney in 2000, when he was the youngest member of the entire U.S. team. He didn't medal, but went on to haul in 22 medals over his next four games, including a record eight gold in 2008. He repeatedly emphasized he's having fun this time around and feels more relaxed than ever. "I felt like a kid and that was the coolest part about it," he said. "It's a good starting point, being able to get some races back under my belt." Phelps' goal Friday was to take just three breaths in the one-lap race; easy enough for a sprinter but not for a swimmer who specialized in distances ranging from 200 to 400 meters during his career. "It's weird for me not to breathe," he said. "I'm used to breathing every single stroke." He gulped air every second or third stroke, and halfway through he took two consecutive breaths. "As soon as I did that, I was like, `Man, I wonder if I can hold my breath the whole way," he said. "I was like, `No, I don't think so, so I snuck one more at 15." Afterward, Bowman told him, "You don't really know how to swim a 50." Phelps replied, "I guess that's a good thing." He finished second to Ryan Lochte in the 100 butterfly on Thursday, tying the fourth-fastest time in the world this year. Next up for Phelps is high-altitude training in Colorado next month. He's entered in Grand Prix meets in North Carolina and California, although his presence hasn't been confirmed yet.
I get that Michael Phelps "coming out of retirement" is a big story. He's the most decorated Olympian of all time and even though the majority of sports fans are skeptical that he was ever really retired, you can understand why the media would give this story so much run. What I'm taking issue with is the continued media coverage this is getting. If ESPN wants to yap bout Phelps ending his retirement for a week straight, I can live with that. But don't start giving us updates on how he fares in these stupid ass swim competitions that literally no one has ever heard of before.
I'll tell you when Americans will pay attention and care about how Michael Phelps does in a race; August 5-21, 2016 when he's swimming in the Rio de Janeiro Summer Olympics. So lets not pretend that anyone gives a shit if he finishes 42nd overall in the butterfly race at some pool in Arizona 2+ YEARS BEFORE THE GAMES.
The best part about this story too is that no one can relate to it. The part where he's talking about holding his breath for a certain amount of strokes, I had know idea what was going on. And to be honest with you, I felt really weird when I finished reading the paragraph - that doesn't even make sense! And yet it happened.
So I hope Michael Phelps swims in all these competitions that don't mean anything, practices at high altitudes for 8 hours straight, eats 7,000 calories from IHOP every day; But I think I speak for literally everybody when I say we just don't want to hear about it until 3 August's from now.
PS - All I could think of when writing this was this girl swimmer I went to high school with who went on a social media rampage circa 2012 when she was bragging about how she was a fan of Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte long before they were famous and decorated Olympians. To this day I'm so confused by the tirade, like ok, so you watched SWIMMING on TV and read SWIMMING articles before other people did? Uhh cool? Good job..? Beyond weird.
Ok here's the thing about last night; The Pacers -3 was a smart pick. If you like to bet on sports, that was a pick you absolutely had to make. I know the Pacers are imploding right in front of our eyes and at this point I wouldn't be surprised if Larry Bird fires Frank Vogel before the series is over. But at the end of the day, you can't pass up the #1 seed laying 3 points against a team that won 38 games this season. It was a solid pick no matter the outcome.
Taking the Blue Jays was pretty fucking stupid. In hindsight, kind of liking Melky Cabrera doesn't really seem like a good enough reason to bet on them. Here are tonight's picks:
Bulls +2.5: Look, I honestly hope the Wizards win this game. As I've mentioned before, they are one of two DC teams that I root for, but you can't ignore DC sports track record. Tonight has the makings of an ultimate let down. The Wizards are up 2-0, it's John Wall and Bradley Beal's first home playoff game, the Verizon Center is sold out; but if you've lived in DC long enough, you know that all of those things are EXACTLY why the Wizards will lose tonight.
Rockets +2.5: The Rockets aren't gonna go down 3-0 right? I hate Dwight Howard as much as the next guy but I just can't see the Rockets losing three straight and being all but eliminated this early in the playoffs.
Overall record is 7-5 going into tonight. I'll probably won't do DD on weekends but as Justin Bieber would say, never say never.
Washington Times - Muslims say that a documentary that’s going to be shown at the National September 11 Memorial Museum called “The Rise of al Qaeda” is offensive and shouldn’t be shown in its current form.
“The screening of this film in its present state would greatly offend our local Muslim believers as well as any foreign Muslim visitor to the museum,” said Sheik Mostafa Elazabawy, the imam of Masjid Manhattan, in a letter to the museum director, The New York Times reported.
The big problem?
The documentary uses the term jihad, and some Muslims say its context in the film paints a negative picture of their faith, Fox News reported.
“Unsophisticated visitors who do not understand the difference between al Qaeda and Muslims may come away with a prejudiced view of Islam, leading to antagonism and even confrontation toward Muslim believers near the site,” the imam said, in Fox News.
The Times said the film spans seven minutes, and it includes images of terrorist training camps.
The Muslim reaction comes by way of an interfaith panel that was formed to view and critique the movie. But museum officials have defended the documentary, saying it stays true to facts and does not sideswipe the Muslim faith as a whole.
“From the very beginning, we had a very heavy responsibility to be true to the facts, to be objective and in no way smear an entire religion when we are talking about a terrorist group,” Joseph Daniels, the president of the group that’s overseeing the memorial and the museum, told The Times. Oh, buddy! PC America coming to you live and direct. Where's Joan Rivers when you need her? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel pretty confident in saying that every single member of al Qaeda identifies as a Muslim. I also feel pretty confident in saying that jihad is an actual thing from the Quran. So I don't think there's any leap in logic to tie the religion of Islam to the terrorists responsible for 9/11. I'm not calling all members of the Islamic faith terrorists. I am calling the terrorists of 9/11 members of the Islamic faith, and you're kidding yourself if you think their actions were motivated by anything other than their religion and deep-seeded hate for western civilization.
You could talk to me for days about how Islam is a peaceful religion and how I'm a bigot and I'm narrow minded, yada-yada-yada, but honestly, you can go fuck yourself. You don't know shit about Islam. You're some American pseudo-intellectual regurgitating shit from your Intro to Philosophy professor or some YouTube video that you watched. Go move to Kandahar and get your arm blown off my a road side IED and then come talk to me. Islam might be a peaceful religion, but the fact remains that there is a sect of Islamic followers who are extremely violent, and to ignore that is to exacerbate the problem. Personally, I think Christians have enough of their hypocritical shit to deal with but think about this for a second - anytime the Nazis or Hitler or the Ku Klux Klan are brought up, you're talking about Christians. Hitler tried to create a nationalized Protestant church in Nazi Germany when he seized power and there were no doubt some southern Baptists under white robes following the Grand Wizard around down in Alabama. Do you see large scale protests or backlash every time a Nazi is depicted in a movie or the KKK is talked about in a history lesson? There's always going to be a few bad apples in the bunch but you can't just ignore reality because it hurts your feelings. If you're a Muslim and you're mad that society thinks you're religion is violent than why don't you go bitch to the members of your own faith who are blowing people up. They are the reason so many people think Islam is a violent religion, it's not simply blind ignorance of the masses. The point is, you flat out cannot speak truthfully about the events of 9/11 without bringing the Islamic faith into the story. That's the way it is, I'm sorry if you think that's unfair. I think the fact major media syndicates even give this kind of story any attention at all is a bitch slap to the memory of every American who lost their life on 9/11 and every soldier who fought in the War on Terror to defend our freedom. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that way. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks it's ridiculous that when opening a 9/11 museum our highest priority is making sure Muslims aren't offended. Only in America.
Long story short, Cory divorced Topanga, which you might think would be a bone-head move considering Topanga turned out to be a shmoke and a pancake once she grew out of the fucking weird-o she was in the early seasons....
... Then he just turned into a total baller under the alias Clay Thompson, Steph Curry's sharp-shooting sidekick on Golden State. Somehow Mr. Matthews just slid under everyone's radar and started stroking 3's and honeys on the DL and nobody was the wiser. Topanga's replacement is also a total smokeshow too, which I'm sure everyone is curious about.
Gotta say though, I'm still all-in on Team Topanga. That red-laced lingerie is getting me all hot and bothered. Been staring at that picture for a solid 10 minutes. Frankly, this Shaila Singh chick has a little too much spice for my taste, if you're picking up what I'm putting down.
I basically just wanted to let you all know that I think Klay Thompson looks like Cory Matthews but then I found pictures of hot chicks and got a little side tracked.
PS - Totally neglected Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel as human beings but I think it's just universally accepted that they are Cory and Topanga, there's no Ben or Danielle anymore.
This post is intended for a real niche market; country music fans, who enjoy the song "Cop Car" by Keith Urban, who have really analyzed the lyrics. Before I started writing this I thought to myself - "this isn't gonna be funny and no one will to relate to this post" and then I laughed because I remembered that literally no one reads this site so fuck it.
My journey with "Cop Car" began the way most journey's begin between human and song. I heard it on the radio a few times and really vibed to it. Before long, I would listen to 98.7 for the majority of my car rides in hopes that it would come on, and got extremely pumped when it did. Eventually I downloaded it to my phone and kept that shit on repeat. Car rides, taking my dog for a walk, working out, whatever it was, I had "Cop Car" right there with me.
Then today I really listened and examined the lyrics for the first time. I could feel my 16 year self rising up inside of me, the tough guy who used to say "country sucks! I only listen to rap music!" and I realized something, this song is fucking stupid.
We drove right past That no trespassing sign We sat on the tailgate And watched the planes take off
We thought we had all night There was no need to rush That's when those cops Came pulling up And I thought Man, ain't this some shhhh
Ok so it starts out with a guy and a girl who are seemingly on a date. It appears that they decide to park their truck on some private property to watch planes take off, look at the stars, and probably hit a strong make out sesh. But uh-oh the cops show up! And this is where the song nose-dives off of Mt. Everest.
Your daddy's gonna kill me But if I survive tonight I wouldn't change one thing Baby, yeah I know it sounds crazy
But there was somethin bout the way The blue lights were shinin Bringing out the freedom in your eyes I was too busy watching you Going wild child To be worried about going to jail You were thinking that Running for it Would make a good story I was thinking you were crazy as hell And you were so Innocent But you were stealing my heart I fell in love in the back of a cop car
This is where we realize how big of a pussy the guy is. The cops show up and INSTANTLY his first thought is that the chick's dad is gonna kill him and that he might go to JAIL. For what bro?????? You think you're the first teenagers to trespass somewhere? And you losers weren't even doing anything fun like boozing or having sex. You're just lying there watching planes take off. Big deal. The cops are gonna ask you if you can fucking read and tell you to take a hike. Calm the hell down.
Man, they weren't playin They sure threw those cuffs on quick You tried to sweet talk 'em They didn't fall for it But I did You were on the left I was on the right I knew you didn't smoke When you asked him for a light And I laughed He got mad and slammed the door
This is my favorite part of the song. The cops can totally sense how scared the guy is so they decide to fuck with him and put him in handcuffs. Like there's literally NO reason for them to be in handcuffs but that's what makes it so funny. The guy is so worked up that he's probably convinced himself that he's going to prison on a life sentence. I don't blame the cops for wanting to see him squirm a little bit more. And how about this chick? She's a little bit of a badass, no? First she's talking about making a run for it in the previous verse and now she's getting ballsy and asking the cops for a cigarette lighter. I'm kinda turned on a little bit here.
Your daddy's gonna kill me But if I survive tonight I wouldn't change one thing Baby, yeah I know it sounds crazy
But there was somethin bout the way The blue lights were shinin Bringing out the freedom in your eyes I was too busy watching you Going wild child To be worried about going to jail You were thinking that Running for it Would make a good story I was thinking you were crazy as hell And you were so Innocent But you were stealing my heart I fell in love in the back of a cop car
Side by side And locked in tight They were taking their time But we didn't mind
We talked And we laughed We sat real close By the time they let us go I was already gone
This is where it just gets weird and annoying. The guy cannot shut-up about about how he's gonna get murdered by the chick's dad and/or go to jail. Like ok dude, we heard you earlier and your fears are beyond irrational. But simultaneously, he's talking about how he's falling madly in love with the girl. Uhhh what? This guy seem like an enormous headcase to anyone else? He's worried about dying, jail time, and trying to not blow his load all at the same time. That's A LOT going on in one person's mind.
I don't even know how to end this blog because I'm so flustered that what I once thought was my favorite song turned out to be my most hated. Take a listen to the song below, maybe I'm looking too much into this.
My apologies for getting this post up later than usual, lost track of time counting all the money I've earned the past two days #richpeopleproblems. Back to back 2-0 nights (S/O to Juvenile) brings me to 7-3 on the year. Gotta stick with what's working so another basketball/baseball split it is.
Pacers -3: This line is laugh out loud funny. If you took my advice from yesterday, then you already have the Pacers locked in at -2. The fact that it's been 24 hours and the line has only slipped to -3 is hilarious. The Hawks SUCK. Game 1 was a fluke, ever heard of it? The real line for this game should be Pacers -8.5. Keep that in mind while watching tonight.
Blue Jays ML: The Blue Jays line-up is actually pretty legit. I'm a big Melky Cabrera guy so I'm partial to Jays every now and then. In addition, betting on the Orioles is just something that a true gambler would never do. Pretty much the first rule of gambling. So with that in mind, take the Jays and let's enjoy our ride on the W train.
Did you hear? The Redskins 2014 schedule has hit the streets and we're going to the Super Bowl...
REGULAR SEASON:
DATE
OPPONENT (NETWORK)
TIME (ET)
Sunday, Sept. 7
at Houston Texans (FOX)
1 p.m.
Sunday, Sept. 14
vs. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (CBS)
1 p.m.
Sunday, Sept. 21
at Philadelphia Eagles (FOX)
1 p.m.
Thursday, Sept. 25
vs. NEW YORK GIANTS (CBS) #
8:25 p.m.
Monday, Oct. 6
vs. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (ESPN) #
8:30 p.m.
Sunday, Oct. 12
at Arizona Cardinals (FOX)
4:25 p.m.*
Sunday, Oct. 19
vs. TENNESSEE TITANS (CBS)
1 p.m.*
Monday, Oct. 27
at Dallas Cowboys (ESPN) #
8:30 p.m.
Sunday, Nov. 2
at Minnesota Vikings (FOX)
1 p.m.*
Sunday, Nov. 9
BYE
Sunday, Nov. 16
vs. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (FOX)
1 p.m.*
Sunday, Nov. 23
at San Francisco 49ers (FOX) !
4:25 p.m.*
Sunday, Nov. 30
at Indianapolis Colts (FOX)
1 p.m.*
Sunday, Dec. 7
vs. ST. LOUIS RAMS (FOX)
1 p.m.*
Sunday, Dec. 14
at New York Giants (FOX)
1 p.m.*
Saturday, Dec. 20
vs. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (TBD) ^
TBD^
Sunday, Dec. 28
vs. DALLAS COWBOYS (FOX)
1 p.m.*
If anyone listened to the Junkies this morning, you heard that EB pretty much had the Skins going 14-2 as visions of RGIII hoisting the Lombardi trophy down Pennsylvania Ave. danced through his head. They all had the Skins doing optimistically well actually, minus my boy Lurch whose history of degenerate gambling probably gives him more of a modest outlook on things. Personally, I think the Wizards two game playoff win streak against the Bulls have them all harder than a 13 year-old that just discovered YouJizz. EB basically picked the Redskins to win every game except for the Seahawks and the 9ers, and he hesitated before he committed to that 9ers loss. They had Mike Jones on with them, the Skins beat reporter from the Post, and even he had them going like 11-5 or something absurd.
After the Nationals and Redskins both made the playoffs back in 2012, I was so high on my DC squads that I couldn't see the ground. Then 2013 came around, the wheels fell off, and I crashed face first into the reality of DC despair. Look, I want the Redskins to win as much as the next obnoxiously short-sided DC fan, but come on guys, don't count your chickens before they come home to roost. Apparently, no one but me and non-DC fans understand that our failure year after year is inevitable. I can't stand the yuppies of this town for a lot of reasons, but of all the insufferable qualities of Washingtonians, their blind optimism toward their sports teams is hands-down the most insufferable. You guys want a real prediction for next season - in the words of Kenny Powers - I'm about to fuck you up with some truth.
Week 1 - @ Houston - Loss
Houston's going to draft Johnny Football, and although I think he's going to be a total bust, his career opener at home in Texas is going to be a circus-fucking-field-day. Drake and H.W. Bush will both be there in their Texans jerseys. Johnny Football is going to do Johnny Football things and just skeet-skeet bang-bang all over the Redskin's secondary.
Week 2 - Jacksonville - Win
It's the Jaguars.
Week 3 - @ Philly - Loss
Too much hype around DeSean, Chip Kelly will have that offense hitting on all cylinders, it's going to be another blow out, just like last year. It's the nature of the beast here in Washington that we're going to lose games with big hype. Know it, learn it, live it.
Week 4 - NYG - Loss
First prime-time game, ton of pressure to win after falling to 1-2 with a huge division loss the week before, just too much for Washington's fragile psyche. RGIII will probably have an injury scare too, and four games in, it's all down hill from here.
Week 5 - Seattle - Loss
I mean, we're not beating the Seahawks, don't even kid yourself. DeSean and Richard Sherman fight the whole game. Richard wears that ass out. DJax places all blame on RGIII and from here until the end of the season DeSean is a cheaper Albert Haynesworth.
Week 6 - @ Arizona - Loss
I'm going to say Arizona will be looking pretty sharp at this point in the season. In Washington, we'll already be talking about firing Jay Gruden. Total shambles.
Week 7 - Tennessee - Win
Final score, 9-7. We win with three field goals. Eric Bickle will be all over Twitter shouting about a turn-around, but it's just the Titans and we're 2-5. Chill the fuck out.
Week 8 - @ Dallas - Loss
Division game. Away. A lot of pressure from EB and the rest of our shitty fan base. Tony Romo throws for 400 and 3 TD's. Big loss. RGIII under-performs and tweaks his knee again. Skepticism city.
Week 9 - @ Minnesota - Win
Jay tells Bob to grab some pine. First game with Kirk Cousins at the helm. We have, what DC fans call, a "huge" win. Final score - 24-17. All 3 TD's from Cousins and #KC1 is trending on Twitter. We head into the bye week 3-6 and the optimism sweeping the city is so Redskins it's nauseating.
Week 10 - Tampa Bay - Loss
Hype city. It's Glennon's homecoming and he kills it. Cousins throws a TD and 3 picks, DeSean bitches all game long, RGIII bitches about Jay Gruden in a post-game interview. Shambles.
Week 11 - @ San Francisco - Loss
Again, don't kid yourself. Zippy chance we're beating the 9ers.
*Mid-week drama - Obama makes another public comment about the "racist" nature of the Redskins team name. Media circus. Distraction city.
Week 12 - @ Indianapolis - Loss
Andrew Luck goes bananas. The Redskins players and staff are fighting like 8th graders at recess on the sidelines. Circus.
Week 13 - St. Louis - Loss
We just have nothing going for us except Kai Forbath tacking an occasional 3 points on the board. Monday morning - EB talks about the need for restructuring over the off-season and how he's done being optimistic about Redskins football... Until we sign Trent Richardson in the off-season and he's all in.
Week 14 - @ NYG - Loss
Like a loose boulder tumbling down a mountain, nothing is stopping this losing train, not even this late-season slow-pitch of a game against a struggling Giant's team. RGIII has bitched his way back to taking the snaps and he's looking awful but still manages to tweet out a couple motivational quotes after a post-game skewering from the media.
We pull out a win against Dallas to end the season and give the Eagles the division title, again. That's what we hang our hats on for the season, pissing on Dallas' hopes of post-season play and sadly, that's good enough for 85% of our fan base. ---------
There it is my fellow Skins fans, I hope I burst every single one of your bubbles because you're suspect, all of you. It's a 4-12 season, as sure as the blood is blue in my veins. If you think it's going down any differently, you're dumb.
PS - Wizard fans, especially those of you who back in November didn't know Bradley Beal from the homeless guy playing go-go music on kitty-litter boxes outside of the Chinatown Metro, tone it down a bit. We're not winning the NBA championship, we're not going to the Eastern Conference finals, don't be surprised if we lose this series in 6. This is DC not Boston.
