Via Barstool Sports - Listen everybody knows I’m an internet mogul. But a lesser known fact is I’m a fashion mogul. Like Miltons’s doesn’t just hand out clothing sponsorships to anybody. You got to have that certain je ne sais quoi quality. That’s why this blog is so groundbreaking. Brace yourselves because I’m about to change the game yet again. Yup my new life goal is to put jeans out of business. You heard it hear first! Now before you freak out I’m only talking about men’s jeans. Chicks can still wear em because chicks look fucking awesome in them. But not dudes. We all look the fucking same. It’s like an assembly line of sameness. Vanilla ice cream city. Your personality just gets sucked dry in jeans. Well enough is enough. Wearing pants is game changer. You walk into a room and it’s like who is this fucking cowboy? Chicks be just staring from afar knowing this guy is different. He doesn’t blend in with the jean crowd. He came here to make a statement. Laugh all you want but keep in mind I’m the guy who brought back wearing backpacks with two straps. Everybody used to sling it over one shoulder until I started going 2 again. Now everybody wears 2. Same thing is gonna happen with Jeans. In 5 years nobody will be wearing them anymore and people won’t even know why or how that started. And that’s exactly when I’ll switch back to wearing them again. Don’t hate the playa. Hate the game.
Look, everyone wants to sack this guy because he started Barstool Sports. I like Barstool as much as the next guy but I'm not going to give up my guiding principles just because Pres waves his magic-wand fingers over his Macbook keyboard and makes some asinine blog post about putting jeans out of business. Jeans are the staple of my fashion game and I'm not gonna hang them up just because this narcissistic internet mogul in a Justin Bieber t-shirt is trying to prove he can be a trendsetter. Fuck that. I'll be wearing Levi 514's until the day I die. Jeans are yoga pants for dudes. They say, yeah I haven't washed these in 4 weeks and they basically fit like sweatpants but I still look fucking great and I'm here to party. Try doing that with pants. You're going to wear them for 2 days before they look like you slept in them. Meanwhile, I actually am sleeping in my jeans and I still wake up every morning looking like a million bucks.
And before and I sign off here, let me just say that the most absurd thing about this post is not that this guy is coming after jeans, but he's coming after vanilla ice cream. Probably the highest grossing ice cream of all time, an absolute fucking classic. Tell me one ice cream shop that doesn't serve vanilla. In the history of asinine comments, this has got to be the most asinine. You know what every ice cream shop doesn't have, sherbet, and that's exactly what you look in your neon Bieber shirt and red pants, Pres. Fucking sherbet.
PS - Did anyone watch that Final Four weekend video that Barstool put out? And how absolutely atrocious Pres is at basically every sport? The guy holds a lacrosse stick like my 8 year old cousin and shoots a basketball with two hands. Pres, you don't even deserve to wear jeans. Jeans are reserved for guys who can shoot a basketball without looking like a 4th grader playing knockout at recess.
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