Barstool Nate, so DC it Hurts

I'm 100% convinced that Nate is Renee Portnoy's "special" younger brother and Pres just gave him DMV Barstool because he got grandfathered into the Barstool-Corleone family. Everyone already thinks DC is such a joke of a sports town that Pres probably figured no one would notice how much the DC blog sucks. In all honesty, having Nate represent my city on Barstool is par for the course. He's like the Redskins of the blogging world. Just a constant disappointment, post after post. 

Take a look at his latest t-shirt design:  

Barstool Nate - It’s Wizards Mania!   Bring on the Heat!

First of all, we play the winner of the Pacers/Hawks series, we wouldn't see the Heat until the conference finals. Jackass. 

Second, the red and white stripes are cool on the jersey when they wrap all the way around. Box it off and you've got yourself an authentic Austrian Flag. Quality stuff, Nate.

Now absolutely, the Wizards have the dumbest mascot in the NBA, and yes, I am aware that the Pelicans are a real franchise. The dumbest part is that we didn't even capitalize on the opportunity to have some badass looking Dumbledore wizard as our mascot. Instead, we have this big blue creature named G-Wiz that looks like a fat version of Gonzo from the Muppets and his jackass sidekick, G-Man, who runs around in full-body blue tights and fake-foam pecs. What the fuck is a G-Man, you ask? Great question, wish I could tell you. I'm still bitter that they changed from the Bullets; and not because I thought being called "The Bullets" did anything for our cool factor but that was the essential birth of PC America in my book. 

Back to my point, Nate trying to be cool with the Bullet hands reference in Wall's name just shows me he's a closet hipster. Bullets gear is about as hipster as it gets. Basically saying - I liked the Wizards before they were the Wizards. You weren't even born yet, asshole. You can pack up your ironic-ness and kick rocks, kid. 

Just to highlight how awful Nate is, allow me to point out the cringe-worthy "wave your hands in the air" reference he dropped last week when commenting on how ridiculous Gilbert Arenas' salary is. 

Barstool Nate - Gilbert is the third highest paid NBA player this season. 30th highest paid player in the entire world. Just think about that for a second. There’s like 100 billion people in the world. And Gilbert is one of the 30th highest paid athletes. The guy who took shits in Andray Blatche’s shoes. The guy who brought a gun into a lockerroom and waved in around in the air like he just didn’t care. The guy who built shark tanks in his house. The 30th highest paid athlete in the whole wide universe.

"... and waved in around in the air like he just didn't care." Nails on a chalk board, Nate... Also, on top of the total irrelevance, mentioning the world's population, you over shot that estimate by about 93 billion people.   

The only pro to Nate's blogging existence is the hot chicks he posts, but that's low hanging fruit. If you can't find hot chicks on the internet to post, your worth is on par with Gilbert. Probably worse actually because I doubt you post awesome pictures like this on your Instagram.