"Cop Car" by Keith Urban is Really Doing a Number on Me Mentally

This post is intended for a real niche market; country music fans, who enjoy the song "Cop Car" by Keith Urban, who have really analyzed the lyrics. Before I started writing this I thought to myself - "this isn't gonna be funny and no one will to relate to this post" and then I laughed because I remembered that literally no one reads this site so fuck it.

My journey with "Cop Car" began the way most journey's begin between human and song. I heard it on the radio a few times and really vibed to it. Before long, I would listen to 98.7 for the majority of my car rides in hopes that it would come on, and got extremely pumped when it did. Eventually I downloaded it to my phone and kept that shit on repeat. Car rides, taking my dog for a walk, working out, whatever it was, I had "Cop Car" right there with me.

Then today I really listened and examined the lyrics for the first time. I could feel my 16 year self rising up inside of me, the tough guy who used to say "country sucks! I only listen to rap music!" and I realized something, this song is fucking stupid.

We drove right past
That no trespassing sign 
We sat on the tailgate
And watched the planes take off

We thought we had all night
There was no need to rush
That's when those cops
Came pulling up
And I thought
Man, ain't this some shhhh

Ok so it starts out with a guy and a girl who are seemingly on a date. It appears that they decide to park their truck on some private property to watch planes take off, look at the stars, and probably hit a strong make out sesh. But uh-oh the cops show up! And this is where the song nose-dives off of Mt. Everest.

Your daddy's gonna kill me
But if I survive tonight
I wouldn't change one thing
Baby, yeah I know it sounds crazy

But there was somethin bout the way
The blue lights were shinin
Bringing out the freedom in your eyes
I was too busy watching you
Going wild child
To be worried about going to jail
You were thinking that
Running for it
Would make a good story
I was thinking you were crazy as hell
And you were so Innocent
But you were stealing my heart
I fell in love in the back of a cop car

This is where we realize how big of a pussy the guy is. The cops show up and INSTANTLY his first thought is that the chick's dad is gonna kill him and that he might go to JAIL. For what bro?????? You think you're the first teenagers to trespass somewhere? And you losers weren't even doing anything fun like boozing or having sex. You're just lying there watching planes take off. Big deal. The cops are gonna ask you if you can fucking read and tell you to take a hike. Calm the hell down.

Man, they weren't playin
They sure threw those cuffs on quick
You tried to sweet talk 'em
They didn't fall for it
But I did
You were on the left
I was on the right
I knew you didn't smoke
When you asked him for a light
And I laughed
He got mad and slammed the door

This is my favorite part of the song. The cops can totally sense how scared the guy is so they decide to fuck with him and put him in handcuffs. Like there's literally NO reason for them to be in handcuffs but that's what makes it so funny. The guy is so worked up that he's probably convinced himself that he's going to prison on a life sentence. I don't blame the cops for wanting to see him squirm a little bit more. And how about this chick? She's a little bit of a badass, no? First she's talking about making a run for it in the previous verse and now she's getting ballsy and asking the cops for a cigarette lighter. I'm kinda turned on a little bit here.

Your daddy's gonna kill me
But if I survive tonight
I wouldn't change one thing
Baby, yeah I know it sounds crazy

But there was somethin bout the way
The blue lights were shinin
Bringing out the freedom in your eyes
I was too busy watching you
Going wild child
To be worried about going to jail
You were thinking that
Running for it
Would make a good story
I was thinking you were crazy as hell
And you were so
Innocent
But you were stealing my heart
I fell in love in the back of a cop car

Side by side
And locked in tight
They were taking their time
But we didn't mind

We talked
And we laughed
We sat real close
By the time they let us go
I was already gone

This is where it just gets weird and annoying. The guy cannot shut-up about about how he's gonna get murdered by the chick's dad and/or go to jail. Like ok dude, we heard you earlier and your fears are beyond irrational. But simultaneously, he's talking about how he's falling madly in love with the girl. Uhhh what? This guy seem like an enormous headcase to anyone else? He's worried about dying, jail time, and trying to not blow his load all at the same time. That's A LOT going on in one person's mind.

I don't even know how to end this blog because I'm so flustered that what I once thought was my favorite song turned out to be my most hated. Take a listen to the song below, maybe I'm looking too much into this.